Judi walked into the doctors office with a hole in her hand. The doctor told her that he had to report all gunshot wounds, and this was an obvious gunshot wound!
Judi said, "Well, to be honest with you, I was trying to commit suicide, and first stuck the gun in my mouth, but thought, wait a minute, I just had all that bridge work done, and I don't want to ruin it, so I pointed the gun between my eyes, and then thought, wait a minute, I just got a nose job not too long ago, and I don't want to ruin it! Then I pointed the gun at my heart, and thought, wait a minute, I just had these boobs done, and I don't want to ruin them! So then I stuck the gun in my ear, and thought, wait a minute, this is going to be loud..

=====================

Blond gets on a plane and has a coach ticket, but she sits in first class. The stewardess tells the blonde you have a coach ticket you can't sit in first class. The blonde replies "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to Chicago for the weekend, leave me alone."

So the stewardess tells her boss. Her boss tells the blonde, " Ms, if you would like to sit in first class you can pay the extra money or you will have to return to coach." The blonde replies, "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to Chicago for the weekend, leave me alone."

So stewardess and her boss decide to tell the pilot. The pilot approaches the blonde and explains that she can not sit in first call without buying a ticket and she replies, "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to Chicago for the weekend, leave me alone."

So the pilot whispers in her ear and she returns to her seat in coach. The stewdress asked, "What did you say to her?" The pilot smiled and said," I told her coach is going to Chicago, and first class is going to Philadelphia."

===================

A bartender is sitting behind the bar on a typical day, when the door bursts open and in come four exuberant blondes. They come up to the bar, order five bottles of champagne and ten glasses, take their order over and sit down at a large table. The corks are popped, the glasses are filled and they begin toasting and chanting, "51 days, 51 days, 51 days!"

Soon, three more blondes arrive, take up their drinks and the chanting grows. "51 days, 51 days, 51 days!" Two more blondes show up and soon their voices are joined in raising the roof."51 days,51 days, 51 days!" Finally, the tenth blonde comes in with a picture under her arm.

She walks over to the table, sets the picture in the middle and the table erupts. Up jumps the others, they begin dancing around the table, exchanging high-five's, all the while chanting "51 days, 51 days!"

The bartender can't contain his curiosity any longer, so he walks over to the table. There in the center is a beautifully framed child's puzzle of the Cookie Monster. When the frenzy dies down a little bit, the bartender asks one of the blondes, "What's all the chanting and celebration about?" The blonde who brought in the picture pipes in, "Everyone thinks that blondes are dumb and they make fun of us.

So, we decided to set the record straight. Ten of us got together, bought that puzzle and put it together. The side of the box said 2-4 years, but we put it together in 51 days!"

=====================

A blonde & brunette are in an elevator. On the third floor a man get's on who's perfect; 3 piece suit, great build with a nice butt, the bad part is they both noticed he had dandruff. The man got off on the 5th floor. Once the doors closed the brunette turned to the blonde and said, "Someone should give him Head & Shoulders." To which the blonde replied, "How do you give Shoulders?"

=======================

I was out walking with a blond one day and I said "look at the dead bird", so she looked up and said "where?"

========================

There are three blondes stranded on an island. Suddenly afairy appears and offers to grant each one of them one wish. The first blonde asks to be intelligent. Instantly, she is turned into a redhead and she swims off the island.

The next one asks to be even more intelligent than theprevious one, so instantly she is turned into a brunette.The brunette woman builds a boat and sails off the island.

The third blonde asks to become even more intelligent than the previous two. The fairy turns her into a man, and he walks across the bridge.

========================

The Blonde at the Soda Machine
There was a beautiful young blonde who was going to a soda machine and she arrived there just before a business man coming to quench his thirst. She opened her purse and put in 50 cents, studied the machine a little, pushed a Diet Coke selection, and out came a Diet Coke which she placed on a counter by the machine.

Then she reached in her purse again and pulled out a dollar and inserted it in the machine. Studying the machine carefully, she pushed the button for Coke Classic and out came a Coke Classic and 50 cents change. She immediately took the 50 cents and put it in the machine, studied it for a moment and pushed the Mountain Dew button. Out came a Mountain Dew.

As she was reaching into her purse again, the business man who had been waiting patiently for several minutes now spoke up. "Excuse me Ms. but are you done yet?" She looked at him and indignantly replied: "Well Duhhh!, I'm still winning"

=========================

The Blonde's Odometer
A blonde tried to sell her old car. She was having a lot of problems selling it, because the car had 250,000 miles on it. One day, she told her problem to a brunette she worked with at a salon. The brunette told her, "There is a possibility you can make the car easier to sell, but it's not legal."

"That doesn't matter," replied the blonde, "if I only can sell the car." "Okay," said the brunette. "Here is the address of a friend of mine. He owns a car repair shop. Tell him I sent you and he will turn the counter in your car back to 50,000 miles. Then it should not be a problem to sell your car anymore."

The following weekend, the blonde made the trip to the mechanic. About one month after that, the brunette asked the blonde, "Did you sell your car? "No," replied the blonde, "why should I? It only has 50,000 miles on it."

=======================

====================

One day after work, a blonde walked into a pizza parlor and ordered a small personal pizza. When it was finished, the waiter asked the blonde if she wanted it cut into four pieces or eight. The blonde thought a bit, and said "Better make it four, I'd never be able to eat eight."

==================

A beer bottle and a blond are a lot alike.
THEY ARE BOTH EMPTY FROM THE NECK UP.

What goes screech, vroom, screech, vroom, screech, vroom ?
A BLOND DRIVING THROUGH A BLINKING RED LIGHT.

How does a blond check her cars turn signal?
IT WORKS... NO IT DOESNT.....IT WORKS.... NO IT DOESNT.

How many blonds does it take to screw in a lightbulb ?
ONE... SHE HOLDS IT UP TO THE SOCKET AND WAITS FOR THE REST OF THE WORLD TO REVOLVE AROUND HER.

How many blonds does it take to make chocolate chip cookies?
FIFTEEN...ONE TO MIX THE BATTER AND 14 TO PEEL THE M&M'S.

Did you hear why the blond got fired at the m&m factory
SHE KEPT THROWING AWAY THE W's.

How do you drownd a blond?
PUT A MIRROR ON THE BOTTOM OF THE POOL.

Did you hear avout the blond who locked her keys in her car?
IT TOOK HER 4 HOURS TO GET HER SISTER OUT.... AND SHE FINALLY HAD TO PUT THE CONVERTIBLE TOP UP, SO SHE COULD CUT HER WAY INTO THE CAR.

Did you heat about the blond who waited for 4 months in line at the drive-in movie?
SHE WENT TO SEE 'CLOSED FOR THE SEASON'.

A smart blond, a dumb blond and santa clause are all standing around on the street corner. They spot a $5.00 bill lying on the sidewalk. Who picks up the money?
THE DUMB BLOND.... THE OTHER TWO PEOPLE ARE IMAGINARY FIGURES.

Who are the three most devastating characters on earth ?
SADAAM HOUSAIN, HURRICANE BOB AND A BLOND WITH A CREDIT CARD.

What do you call ten blonds standing in a row ?
A WIND TUNNEL

A blond lost $200.00 on last weeks football game.
$100.00 ON THE WINNING TOUCHDOWN AND ANOTHER $100 ON THE INSTANT REPLAY.

Why do blonds like tilt-steering wheels ?
MORE HEAD ROOM.

What do you get when you put 25 blonds in a freezer?
FROSTED FLAKES.

What do you call a blond with half a brain?
GIFTED.

What is the difference between a blond and jello?
THE BLOND DOESNT ALWAYS WIGGLE WHEN YOU EAT IT.

How do blonds keep their ankles warm?
WITH THEIR UNDERWARE.

How do you confuse a blond?
HAVE HER TRY TO ARRANGE M&M's IN ALPHABETICAL ORDER.

What can strike a blond without her even knowing it?
A THOUGHT.

What is a blonds mating call?
I THINK IM DRUNK.

Whats a brunette's mating call?
IS THAT DAMN BLOND GONE YET.

Why do blonds have T.G.I.F. on their shoes?
TOES GO IN FIRST.

How do you put a twinkle in a blonds eyes?
SHINE A FLASHLIGHT IN HER EAR.

How does a blond turn on the light after sex?
SHE OPENS THE CAR DOOR.

What does a blond say after a night of really good sex?
SO, ARE ALL YOU GUYS ON THE SAME TEAM.

Why do blonds work 7 days a week?
SO YOU DONT HAVE TO RETRAIN THEM ON MONDAY MORNING.

What does a blond do first thing in the morning?
GETS UP AND GOES HOME.

What is the similarity between a bleach blond and a 747?
THEY BOTH HAVE A BLACK BOX.

What do you call a brunette standing between 2 blonds?
AN ENTERPRETER.

What do you call 5 blonds at the bottom of the pool?
AIR BUBBLES

======================

A blond woman walks into a store. Curious about a shiny object, she asks, "What is that?" The store clerk responds, "It's a thermos." The blond then asks, "What does it do?" The clerk says "It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold." So she buys one.

The next day, she brings it to work with her. Her boss, also a blond, asks, "What is that shiny object?" She replies "It's a thermos." He asks, "What does it do?" She says, "It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold." He then asks, "What do you have in there?" "Two cups of coffee and a popsicle."

====================

SHE WAS SO BLONDE...

...she put lipstick on her forehead because she wanted to make up her mind.

...she told me to meet her at the corner of "WALK" and "DON'T WALK".

...she sent me a fax with a stamp on it.

...she thought a quarterback was a refund.

...if you gave her a penny for her thoughts, you'd get change back.

...they had to burn the school down to get her out of third grade.

...under "education" on her job application, she put "Hooked On Phonics".

...she took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept.

...at the bottom of the application where it says "sign here".. she put "Capricorn".

...she asked for a price check at the Dollar Store.

...it takes her two hours to watch 60 Minutes.

...if she spoke her mind, she'd probably be speechless.

...when she heard that 90% of all crimes occur around the home, she moved.

...when she took you to the airport and saw a sign that said "Airport Left" she turned around and went home.

=====================

Some Quick Blonde Jokes

Q: Hear about the blonde that got an AM radio?
A: It took her a month to realize she could play it at night.

Q: What happened to the blonde ice hockey team?
A: They drowned in Spring training.

Q: What did the blonde say when she saw the sign in front of the YMCA?
A: "Look! they spelled MACYS wrong.

Q: Why do blondes like lightning?
A: They think someone is taking their picture.

Q: Why did the blonde scale the chain-link fence?
A: To see what was on the other side.

Q: How do you make a blonde laugh on Saturday?
A: Tell her a joke on Wednesday.

Q: Why did the blonde stare at frozen orange juice?
A: Because it said 'concentrate'.

Q: How do you keep your blonde secretary occupied?
A: Give her a bag of M&M's and tell her to alphabetize them.

Q: What do you call it when a blonde drives down the street with her head out the window?
A: Refueling.

Q: Why can't blondes take coffee breaks?
A: They're too hard to retrain.

Q: What do you call nine blondes standing in a circle?
A: A dope ring.

Q: Why can't blondes be pharmacists?
A: They can't get the bottle in the typewriter to type the label.

Q: What's the definition of eternity?
A: Four blondes at a Four-way stop.

Q: What do you call five blondes at the bottom of the ocean?
A: An air pocket.

Q: What did the blonde say when she looked into a box of Cheerios?
A: "Oh look! Donut seeds!"

Q: Why do Blondes have TGIF on their shirts?
A: This Goes In front.

Q: What do you call a smart blonde?
A: A Golden labrador.

Q: Do you know when a blonde has been making chocolate chip cookies?
A: You find M&M shells all over the kitchen floor.

Q: What do you call a blonde with half a brain?
A: Gifted!

==========================

Q: What do you call it when a blonde dies their hair brunette? A: Artificial intelligence. Q: How do you make a blonde's eyes light up? A: Shine a flashlight in their ear. Q: Why do Blondes have TGIF on their shoes? A: Toes go in first. Q: What does a blond and a beer bottle have in common? A: They're both empty from the neck up. Q: Why does a blonde only change her baby's diapers every month? A: Because it says right on it "good for up to 20 pounds." Q: Why did God create blondes? A: Because sheep can't bring beer from the fridge.

==========================

A blonde was driving down the highway to Disneyland when she saw a sign that said "DISNEYLAND LEFT". After thinking for a minute, she said to herself "oh well!" and turned around an drove home. On her way home she drove past another sign that said "CLEAN RESTROOMS 8 MILES". By the time she drove eight miles, she had cleaned 143 restrooms.

=======================

A red haird lady walks into a doctors office and tells the doctor "It hurts when I touch my Elbow, Forehard, or my Chest. Can you tell me whats wrong?". "Let's See", mumbled the doctor. "Was your hair origionally blonde?" "Yes but what does that have to do with anything?" Your Fingers Broken

=====================

A Blonde was down on her luck. In order to raise some money, she decided to kidnap a kid and hold him for ransom. She went to the playground, grabbed a kid, took him behind a tree and told him, "I've kidnapped you." She then wrote a note saying, "I've kidnapped your kid. Tomorrow morning, put $10,000 in a paper bag and put it under the pecan tree next to the slide on the North side of the playground. Signed, A Blonde."

The Blonde then pinned the note to the kid's shirt and sent him home to show it to his parents. The next morning the Blonde checked, and sure enough, a paper bag was sitting beneath the pecan tree. The Blonde opened up the bag and found the $10,000 with a note that said, "How could you do this to a fellow Blonde?"

=====================

Q: What do you call a blonde with half a brain?
A: Gifted! 
Q: How do blonde braincells die ?
A: Alone.
Q: How do you brainwash a blonde?
A: Give her a douche and shake her upside down.
Q: What do you call it when a blonde dies their hair brunette?
A: Artificial intelligence.
Q: Why do blondes wash their hair in the sink?
A: Because, that's where you're supposed to wash vegetables!
Q: Why didn't the blonde want a window seat on the plane?
A: She'd just blow dried her hair and she didn't want it blown around too much.
Q: Why is it good to have a blonde passenger?
A: You can park in the handicapped zone.
Q: Why is a blonde like a turtle?
A: They both get fucked up when they're on their back.
Q: How do you make a blonde's eyes light up?
A: Shine a flashlight in their ear. 
Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a computer?
A: You only have to punch information into a computer once.
Q: What do a blonde and your computer have in common?
A: You don't know how much either of them mean to you until they go down on you.
Q: How do blondes pierce their ears?
A: They put tacks in their shoulder pads.
Q: Why don't blondes eat Jello?
A: They can't figure out how to get two cups of water into those little packages.
Q: What do you call a blonde with a dollar on the top of their head?
A: All you can eat, under a buck.
Q: Why don't blondes eat pickles?
A: Because they can't get their head in the jar.
Q: Why don't blondes eat bananas?
A: They can't find the zipper.
Q: Why do blondes wear hoop earings?
A: They have to have some place to rest their ankles.
Q: What does a blonde put behind her ears to make her more attractive?
A: Her ankles.
Q: Why do blondes wear green lipstick?
A: Because red means stop.
Q: Why do blondes wear red lipstick?
A: Because red means "Stop, wrong hole."
Q: How can you tell if a blonde has been in your refrigerator?
A: By the lipstick on your cucumbers.
Q: Why don't blondes use vibrators?
A: They chip their teeth.
. Q: Why do Blondes have TGIF on their shoes?
A: Toes go in first.
Q: Why do Blondes have TGIF on their shirts?
A: Tits go in front.
Q: What do you say to a Blonde that won't give in?
A: "Have another beer."
Q: What do blondes do with their arseholes in the morning ?
A: Pack their lunch and send them to work.
Q: What's the first thing a blonde does in the morning?
A1: Introduces herself.
A2: Walks home.
Q: How does a blonde like her eggs in the morning?
A: Fertilised.
Q: What do Blondes say after sex?
A1: Thanks Guys.
A2: Are you boys all in the same band?
A3: Do you guys all play for the Swans?
Q: What important question does a blonde ask his/her mate before having sex?
A: Do you want this by the hour, or the flat rate?
Q: Why do blonde girls have trouble achieving orgasm?
A: *Who cares?*
Q: Why do blonds have orgasms ?
A: So they know when to stop having sex !
Q: How do you tell when a blonde reaches orgasm????
A1: She drops her nail-file!!!
A2: Who cares?
A3: She say 'Next'
A4: The next person in the queue taps you on the shoulder
A5: He's had his clothes for about 2 minutes
A6: I mean, who really cares?
A7: The batteries have run out.
Q: What does a blonde say when you blow in their ear?
A: "Thanks for the refill!"
Q: What is it called when a blonde blows in another blond's ear?
A: Data transfer.
Q: Why do blondes have more fun?
A: Because they don't know any better.
Q: How many blondes does it take to change a lightbulb?
A1: "What's a lightbulb?"
A2: One. She holds the bulb and the world revolves around her.
A3: Two. One to hold the Diet Pepsi, and one to call, "Daaady!"
A4: None. They can't fit.
A5: Six, Five to look at the problem and go "Duh?" and one to call her boyfriend to do it.
A6: 10, One to change the bulb and the other nine to make T-shirts.
Q: What's a blonde's favourite wine?
A: "Daaaady, I want to go to Miaaami!" ~~~~~~~~~
Q: What does a peroxide blonde and a 747 have in common?
A1: They both have a black box.
A2: Both have a cockpit.
Q: What is the difference between a blond and a 747?
A: Not everyone has been in a 747
Q: What does a dumb blonde say when she gives birth?
A: Gee, Are you sure it's mine?
Q: Why did the blonde scale the glass wall?
A: To see what was on the other side.
Q: Why do Blondes take the pill?
A: So they know what day of the week it is.
Q: Why did the blonde stop using the pill?
A: Because it kept falling out.
Q: But why do brunettes take the pill ?
A: Wishful Thinking.
Q: Why did the blonde have a sore navel?
A: Because her boyfriend was also blond!
Q: If a blonde and a brunette are tossed off a building, who hits the ground first?
A: The brunette. The blonde has to stop to ask for directions.
Q: What happens when a blonde gets Alzheimers disease?
A: Her IQ goes up!
Q: Whats the difference between a blonde and a Porsche?
A: You don't lend the Porsche out to your friend.
Q: What is the difference between butter and a blonde?
A: Butter is difficult to spread.
Q: What is the difference between a blonde and a bowling ball?
A: You can only get three fingers in a bowling ball.
Q: What is the difference between a blonde and "The Titanic"?
A: They know how many men went down on "The Titanic".
Q: What is the difference between a smart blonde and Bigfoot?
A: Bigfoot has been spotted.
Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a telephone?
A: It costs 30 cents to use a telephone.
Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a guy?
A: The blonde has the higher sperm count.
Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a limousine?
A: Not everybody has been in a limo.
Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a toothbrush?
A: You don't let your best friend borrow your toothbrush.
Q: What's the difference between a blonde and your job?
A: Your job still sucks after 6 months.
Q: What's the difference between a blond having her period and a terrorist?
A: You can negotiate with a terrorist.
Q: What's the difference between a blonde and an ironing board?
A: It's difficult to open the legs of an ironing board.
Q: What do blondes and cow-pats have in common ?
A: They both get easier to pick-up with age.
Q: What does a screen door and a blonde have in common?
A: The more you bang it the looser it gets.
Q: What does a blond and a beer bottle have in common?
A: They're both empty from the neck up.

Q: What do blonds and spagetthii have in common?
A: They both wriggle when you eat them.
Q: What do peroxide blonds and black men have in common?
A: They both have black roots.
Q: Why did the deaf blond sit on a newspaper?
A: So she could lip read.
Q: How do you drown a blond?
A: Put a mirror at the bottom of the pool.
Q: How do you drown a blonde?
A: Don't tell her to swallow.
Q: Why did the blonde chick drown in the pool ?
A: Someone left a scratch and sniff at the bottom of the pool.
Q: Why do blonds have square boobs?
A: Because they forgot to take the tissues out of the box.
Q: How many blondes does it take to make chocolate-chip cookies?
A1: 10. One to mix the dough and nine to peel the smarties.
A2: Three...one to mix the batter and two to squeeze the rabbit.
Q: How do you tell if a blonde did your landscaping?
A: The bushes are darker than the rest of the yard.
Q: What did the blonde's mum say to her before the blonde's date. A: If you're not in bed by 12, come home.
Q: What's the Blonde's cheer?

A: " I'm blonde, I'm blonde, I'm B.L.O.N....ah, oh well.. I'm blonde, I'm blonde, yea yea yea..."
Q: Why does a blonde only change her baby's diapers every month?
A: Because it says right on it "good for up to 20 pounds."
Q: Why did the blonde get so excited after she finished her jigsaw puzzle in only 6 months?
A: Because on the box it said From 2-4 years.
Q: What do you say to a blonde with no arms and no legs?
A: "Nice tits!"
Q: Why aren't there many blonde gymnasts?
A: Because when they do the splits, they stick to the floor.
Q: Why do blondes have legs?
A1: So they don't get stuck to the ground.
A2: To get between the bedroom and the kitchen.
A3: So they don't leave trails, like little snails. ~~~~~~~~~

Q: What is the irritating part around a blonde's vagina?
A: The Blonde!
Q: How do you describe a blonde, surrounded by drooling idiots?
A: Flattered.
Q: What did the blonde say when asked if she'd ever been picked up by 'the fuzz'?
A: 'No. But I've been swung around by the tits.'
Q: What do you call a brunette with a blonde on either side?
A: An interpreter.
Q: What do you call a blonde between two brunettes?
A: A mental block.
Q: What do you call 10 blondes standing ear to ear?
A: A wind tunnel.
Q: What do you call 15 blondes in a circle?
A: A dope ring.
Q: What do you call 20 blondes in a freezer?
A: Frosted Flakes.
Q: What do you call a blonde skeleton in the closet?
A: Last year's hide-and-seek champ.
Q: What do you call a fly buzzing inside a blonde's head?
A: A Space Invader.
Q: What do you call a blonde in a tree with a briefcase?
A: Branch Manager.
Q: What do you call a smart blond?
A: A yellow labrador retriever.
Q: How does a blonde interpret 6.9?
A: A 69 interrupted by a period.
Q: What did the blonde say when she looked into a box of Cheerios?
A: "Oh look! Doughnut seeds!"
Q: Why do blonds have two more brain cells than a cow ?
A: So they don't shit everywhere when you pull their tits.
. Q: Why do blondes put their hair in ponytails?
A: To cover up the valve stem.
Q: What did the blonde name her pet zebra?
A: Spot.
Q: What's a blonds' favourite rock group?
A: Air Supply.
Q: What do you see when you look into a blonde's eyes?
A: The back of her head.
Q: Why do blondes drive VW's
A: Because they can't spell PORSCHE!!
Q: Why did God create blondes?
A: Because sheep can't bring beer from the fridge.
Q: Why do blondes have see-through lunch box lids?
A: So they know if it is morning or afternoon.
Q: Whats black and fuzzy and hangs from the ceiling ?
A: A blond electrician
Q: Why are dumb blonde jokes so short?
A1: So brunettes can remember them.
A2: Because blonds are so SHALLOW a long joke wouldn't fit.
Q: Why wasn't the Virgin Mary a blonde ????
A: She wouldn't have been old enough to bear children!
Q: Why are blondes hurt by peoples words?
A: Because people keep hitting them with dictionaries.
Q: Why did the blonde fail at being a prostitute?
A: Because she gave blow-jobs literally.
Q: What did the blonde do when she got her period?
A: Looked around for the bastard that must have shot her?
Q: Why do blondes have periods?
A: They deserve them.
Q: What did the blonde say to the physicist?
A: "Why, I just _love_ nuclear fission! What do you use for bait?"
Q:Why are blondes like cornflakes ? A: Because they're simple, easy and they taste good.
Q: How do you know when a blonde has been making chocolate chip cookies?
A: You find M&M shells all over the kitchen floor.
Q: How do you drive a blonde crazy?
A: Give her a bag of M&Ms and tell her to alphabetise them.
Q: What do you get when you turn 3 blondes upside-down?
A: Two brunettes.
Q: Why was the blonde depressed when she received her driver's license?
A: Because she got an F in sex.
Q: What do you call a brunette and four blondes standing on a street corner?
A: Regular price, 4 bucks, 4 bucks, 4 bucks, 4 bucks!
Q: What do you call two nuns and a blonde?
A: Two tight ends and a wide receiver.
Q: What's the difference between a blond and a shopping cart.
A: A shopping cart has a mind of it's own.
Q: What do you call a blonde lesbian?
A: A waste.
Q: How would a blond punctuate the following?: "Fun fun fun worry worry worry"
A: Fun period fun period fun NO PERIOD worry worry worry!
Q: How can you tell which blonde is the waitress?
A: She is the one with the tampon behind her ear, wondering what she did with her pencil.
Q: What goes VROOM, SCREECH,VROOM, SCREECH,VROOM, SCREECH,VROOM, SCREECH?
A: A blonde going through a flashing red light. ~~~~~~~~~

Q: What does a blonde say when you ask her if her blinker is on?
A: It's on. It's off. It's on. It's off. It's on. It's off. It's on. It's off.
Q: What is the difference between a blonde and the Grand Old Duke of York ?
A: The Grand Old Duke of York only 'had' 10000 men !
Q: What's a blonde's favorite nursery rhyme?
A: Humpme Dumpme.
Q: Why aren't BLONDES good cattle herders?
A: Because the can't even keep two calves together!
Q: What do you call a basement full of blondes?
A: A whine cellar.
 Q: Why did the blonde cross the road?
A: Never mind that! What was she doing out of the bedroom?!?
Q: Why did the blonde smile when she walked the marriage aisle?
A: She realized she had given her last blowjob.
Q: What can strike a blonde without her even knowing it?
A: A thought.
Q: Why is a blonde like an old washing machine?
A: They both drip when they're fucked.
Q: Why is a washing machine better than a blonde?
A: Because you can drop your load in a washing machine, and it won't follow you around for a week.
Q: What is the difference between a blondes legs and cold butter?
A: Cold butter is difficult to spread.
Blondes... They take a lickin', and keep on... Lickin!
Did you hear about the blonde couple that were found frozen to death in their car at a drive-in movie theater? They went to see "Closed for the Winter".
Did you hear the one about the blonde who thought that "love handles" referred to her ears?
There were three women who were at the gynecologist having pre-natel checkups The doctor asked the first woman "in what position was the baby concieved ?" "He was on top ", she replyed. "You will have a boy !" the doctor exclaimed.
The second woman was asked the same question. "I was on top ", was the reply. "you will have a baby girl. " said the doctor. With this, the third women, a blond, burst into tears. "Whats the matter ?" asked the doc. "Am I going to have puppies ?".....

Did you hear about the blonde who: had more on her body than on her mind? was called "Sanka" because she had no active ingredient in the bean? took an hour to cook Minute Rice? got into the taxi, and the driver kept the "Vacant" sign up? was an M.D. - Mentally Deficient? had a terrific stairway, but nothing upstairs? thought nitrates was cheaper than day rates? was told she was a silly puss, but insisted she didn't have a crazy cat? after watching the ballerinas, wondered why they didn't get taller girls? went to a nudist camp for a game of strip poker? brought her cosmetics with her for a make-up exam?

Did you hear about the blonde that stayed up all night to see where the sun went ? It finally dawned on here.

A blonde was driving down the highway to Disneyland when she saw a sign that said "DISNEYLAND LEFT". After thinking for a minute, she said to herself "oh well !" and turned around an drove home. On her way home the same blonde drove past another sign that said "CLEAN RESTROOMS 8 MILES". By the time she drove eight miles, she had cleaned 43 restrooms.

How about the suicide blonde, she dyed by her own hand.

A brunette and a blonde are walking along in a park. The brunette says suddenly, "Awww, look at the dead birdie". The blonde stops, looks up, and says, "Where?"

A policeman pulled a blonde over after he/she'd been driving the wrong way on a one-way street. Cop: Do you know where you were going? Blonde: No, but wherever it is, it must be bad 'cause all the people were leaving.

A cop stops a blonde woman who was driving down a motorway. "Miss, may I see your driver's licence please?" "Driver's licence? What's that?..." "It's a little card with your picture on it." "Oh, duh! Here it is..." "May I have your car insurance?" "What's that?..." "It's a document that says you are allowed to drive the car." "Oh this? Duh! Here you go..." The cop then takes his dick out of his pants, while the blonde exclaims: "Oh no, not another breathalyzer test!"

Hubby: As a start I think you should learn to "iron", then we could do without the ironing lady. Blonde Wife: Well if you would learn to Fuck me properly we could do without the gardener.

A blonde and a brunette were discussing their boyfriends: Brunette: Last night I had *three* orgasms in a row! Blonde: That's nothing; last night I had over a hundred. Brunette: My god! I had no idea he was that good. Blonde: ( looking shocked ) Oh, you mean with one guy.

Three blondes are attempting to change a light bulb. One of them decides to call 911: Blonde: We need help. We're three blondes changing a light bulb. Operator: Hmmmmm. You put in a fresh bulb? Blonde: Yes.
Operator: The power in the house in on? Blonde: Of course. Operator: And the switch is on? Blonde: Yes, yes. Operator: And the bulb still won't light up? Blonde: No, it's working fine. Operator: Then what's the problem? Blonde: We got dizzy spinning the ladder around and we all fell and hurt ourselves.

What about the blond guy whose wife gave birth to twins? He wanted to know who the other man was...

This blonde and her boyfriend were sitting in a hot tub when the blonde said to her boyfriend, "Is it true that if you pull you finger out, I'll sink?"

Two blondes were walking through the woods when one looked down and said "Oh, look at the deer tracks." The other blonde looks and says "Those aren't deer tracks, those are wolf tracks." "No. Those are deer tracks." They keep arguing, and arguing, and one half hour later they were both killed by a train. ~~~~~~~~~

The blonde came running downstairs, crying. Her mother asked what was wrong and the blonde said her boyfriend had just dropped her. Her mother (a blonde) nodded wisely and proceeded to tell her about the birds and the bees and the blonde said: "No ma. I can fuck and suck with the best of them. But he says I can't cook"

Two blondes observed in a parking lot trying to unlock the door of their Mercedes with a coat hanger.
Blonde#1: I can't seem to get this door unlocked!
Blonde#2: Well, you'd better hurry up and try harder, its starting to rain and the top is down!

=========================

Two blondes are in a railway station. "Can I take this train to Boston?" asks the first. "No," answers the Railroad man. "Can I?" asks the second blonde.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

. Cathy the world's most avid baseball fan, a blond, had arrived early at the stadium for the first game of the series between local rival teams only to realize that she had left her ticket at home. Not wanting to miss any of the first inning, she went to the ticket booth and got in a long line for another seat. After an hour's wait she was just a few feet from the booth when a voice called out, "Hey, Linda!" Cathy looked up, stepped out of line and tried to find the owner of the voice -- with no success. Then she realized she had lost her place in the line, and had to go back to the end of the line and wait all over again. After she had purchased her ticket, she was thirsty, so she went to buy a beer. The line at the concession stand was also very long. But since the game hadn't started she decided to wait. Just as she got to the window, a voice called out "Hey, Linda!" Again Cathy tried to find the voice and got out of line as she wandered looking for the owner of the voice. But no luck. Cathy was very upset as she got back in line for her beer. Finally she had her beer and took her seat eager for the game to begin. As she waited for the first pitch, she heard the voice calling, "Hey, Linda!" once more. Furious, Cathy stood up and yelled a the top of her lungs, "My name isn't Linda!" ~~~~~~~~~

Q. How do you get a blonde to marry you?
A. Tell her she is pregnant. ~~~~~~~~~

Two blondes are walking down the street. One blonde finds a little mirror, looks in it, again, and again. Puzzled, she says to her friend, "I just know I've seen this face before!" "Give it to me", says the other blonde. She looks in the mirror and says, "Of course, you silly! It's me!!" ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A street-wise stunningly beautiful blonde walked into a bank and asked to see the manager about a loan. When seated in his office, she said, "Look ! Before we get started on this, I heard a story where a girl borrowed some money & she was unable to pay it back. The manager of the bank made her sleep with him for $100 a night until the loan was paid off. Could that happen ?" The bank manager smiled, "Well, I've never heard of such an occurrence, it's not likely..." then he looked her over again, "but... I guess it's not impossible." "Good !" smirked the blonde, "I'd like to borrow $286,000." ~~~~~~~~~

Q: How does a blonde spell "farm"?
A: E-I-E-I-O ~~~~~~~~~

She was so blond that. . . . .
she sent me a fax with a stamp on it

she thought a quarterback was a refund

she tripped over a cordless phone

she put lipstick on her forehead because she wanted to make up her mind

she got stabbed in a shoot-out

she told someone to meet her at the corner of "WALK" and "DONT WALK"

they had to burn the school down to get her out of third grade

she took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept

at the bottom of the application where it says "sign here", she put "Sagittarius"

if she spoke her mind, she'd probably be speechless

when she heard that 90% of all crimes occur around the home, she moved ~~~~~~~~~

A young blonde girl goes to the doctor for a physical. The doctor puts his stethoscope up to the girl's chest and says, "Big breaths." The girl replies, "Yeth and I'm not even thixteen."

============================

~ A lawyer and a blonde are sitting next to each other on a long flight from LA to NY. The lawyer leans over to her and asks if she would like to play a fun game. The blonde just wants to take a nap, so she politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks.
The lawyer persists and explains that the game is really easy and a lot of fun. He explains "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5, and visa-versa." Again, she politely declines and tries to get some sleep.

The lawyer, now somewhat agitated, says, "Okay, if you don't know the answer you pay me $5, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $50!" figuring that since she is a blonde that he will easily win the match.

This catches the blonde's attention and, figuring that there will be no end to this torment unless she plays, agrees to the game.

The lawyer asks the first question. "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?" The blonde doesn't say a word, reaches into her purse, pulls out a five-dollar bill and hands it to the lawyer.

Now, it's the blonde's turn. She asks the lawyer "What goes up a hill with three legs, and comes down with four?" The lawyer looks at her with a puzzled look. He takes out his laptop computer and searches all his references. He taps into the Airphone with his modem and searches the Net and the Library of Congress. Frustrated, he sends E-mails to all his coworkers and friends he knows. All to no avail.

After over an hour, he wakes the blonde and hands her $50. The blonde politely takes the $50 and turns away to get back to sleep.

The lawyer, who is more than a little miffed, wakes the blonde and asks, "Well, so what IS the answer!?"

Without a word, the blonde reaches into her purse, hands the lawyer $5, and goes back to sleep. ~~~~~~~~~

The bank robbers arrived just before closing and promptly ordered the few remaining depositors, the tellers, clerks, and guards to disrobe and lie face down on the floor, behind the counter. One nervous blonde pulled off her clothes and lay down on the floor facing upwards. "Turn over, Cindy," whispered the girl lying beside her. "This is a stick-up, not an office party!" ~~~~~~~~~

One day, a man comes home from work and finds his blonde wife leaning over the kitchen sink and crying.
He said, "Honey, what's wrong?"
She said between sniffles, "I...I dropped the ice cubes on the floor, and then I rinsed them off in hot water, and now I can't find them." ~~~~~~~~~

A blonde goes into a world wide message center to send a message to her mother in Poland.
When the man tells her it will be $300 She exclaims, "I don't have any money.. but I would do ANYTHING to get a message to my mother in Poland !!!! "
To that the man asks, "Anything"??
And the blonde says, "yes.. Anything"!!
With that, the man says, "Follow me" ..He walks into the next room and tells her, "Come in and close the door"..She does!!
He then says "Get on your knees." She does!!
He then says, " take down my zipper." She does!
He then says, "Go ahead... Take it out" With that, she takes it out and takes hold of it with both hands!!
The man then says, "Well.. Go ahead!!"
She brings her mouth closer to it, and while holding it close to her lips.. She says, "HELLO, MOM"???? ~~~~~~~~~

What's the difference between a blonde and a computer? You only have to punch information into a computer once. ~~~~~~~~~

One day I got on the usual bus, and when I stepped in, I saw the most gorgeous blond Chinese girl...I sat beside her. I said, "Hi," and she said, "Hi," and then I said, "Nice day, isn't it?," and she said, "I saw my analyst today and he says I have a problem." So I asked, "What's the problem?" She replied, "I can't tell you. I don't even know you..." I said, "Well sometimes it's good to tell your problems to a perfect stranger on a bus." So she said, "Well, my analyst said I'm a nymphomaniac and I only like Jewish cowboys...by the way, my name is Denise." I said, "Hello, Denise. My name is Bucky Goldstein..." Two blondes were playing golf at a foggy par three, and could see the flag, but not the green. Each hit their ball anyway. When they walked to the green, they discovered one about three feet from the cup, while the other somehow had gone directly in.

They tried to figure out which ball belonged to who, since they were both using Titleist number threes. Unable to decide, they returned to the Club House and asked the golf pro for a ruling. After hearing their story and congratulating them both on their superb shots under such adverse conditions he asked, "OK, so who was playing the yellow ball ?" ~~~~~~~~~

A blonde takes her dog for a walk. After awhile she gets thirsty so she ties her dog to a parking meter in front of a bar and goes in for a couple of beers. After she has been there for an hour or so the local policeman enters the bar.
"Whose dog is tied up out front?"
The blonde responds, "That's my dog. Is there a problem officer?"
"Well she's in heat," says the cop."
"Oh, she'll be all right. It's shady out there."
"That's not what I mean. Your dog needs bred."
"I gave her a half of a loaf this morning. She's fine."
At this point the policeman is becoming a little upset. "Listen, you don't seem to understand what I am talking about. That dog needs to be screwed.
"Go right ahead officer, I've always wanted a police dog." ~~~~~~~~~

Q: Why did the blonde stand in front of the mirror with her eyes closed?

A: She wanted to know what she looked like when she was sleeping.

Q: Why did the blonde pee on the floor?

A: Because the sign said "Wet Floor". ~~~~~~~~~

FINALLY, The Blondes Get Revenge...

Why do brunettes like their dark hair color ?

It doesn't show the dirt.

Who makes all the bras for brunettes ?

Fisher-Price

Why didn't Indians scalp brunettes ?

The hair from a buffalo's butt was more manageable

Why are most brunettes flat-chested ?

It makes it easier for them to read their T-shirts

Why are brunettes so proud of their hair ?

It matches their mustache

Why is the color brunette considered evil ?

When's the last time ya saw a blonde witch ?

How can you tell a brunette is lonely ?

Check her for a pulse

What is the most frustrated animal in the world ?

A brunette rabbit

What did the frustrated brunette say to her uninterested lover ?

" What part of 'yes' don't you understand ?"

Why did God create brunettes ?

So ugly men wouldn't feel left out

What do brunettes miss most about a great party ?

The invitation

Where do brunettes get the hair for a transplant ?

From their underarms

Why do brunettes have to pay an extra $2,000 for a breast job ?

Because the plastic surgeon has to start from scratch

How do you describe a brunette whose phone rings on Saturday night?

Startled

What do you call a good-looking man with a brunette ?

A hostage

How did Revlon come up with it's brunette hair color ?

By studying what oil spills did to seaweed ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Revenge Of The Blondes
Why didn't Indians scalp brunettes?
The hair from a buffalo's ass was more manageable.
Why is the brunette considered an evil color?
When's the last time you've seen a blonde witch?
What do brunettes miss most about a great party?
The invitation
What do you call a good looking man with a brunette?
A hostage
Who makes bras for brunettes?
Fisher-Price
Why are brunettes so proud of their hair?
It matches their mustache. ~~~~~~~~~

A young blonde girl goes to the doctor for a physical. The doctor puts his stethoscope up to the girl's chest and says, "Big breaths." The girl replies, "Yeth and I'm not even thixteen." ~~~~~~~~~

* Some guys are just born losers. Fellow at work was all worked up about this blonde he had dated twice before. He came in one day and said it was all over though. I asked why. He said, "Well, on our last date, we went to her apartment, and she turned all the lights out after dinner. I got up and left, because I can take a hint as well as the next guy." n - - - - Did you hear about the blonde who got locked into the bathroom?
She was in there so long she peed in her pants. ~~~~~~~~~

The Red Convertible
A travelling saleswoman, blonde, big chested, and driving her favorite red convertible, was taking a shortcut through the country when her car quit on her. She tried her cell phone, but to no avail. She was too far out of range.

Looking around, she spied two hillbilly farmers working in a field. She ran over to the fence, and called them over. "Do you boys have a phone I could use?" she asked. The two looked at each other, and shook their heads. "Sorry, ma'am, but the nearest phone is in town, about 40 miles away." The blonde was upset. "Well, could one of you give me a ride to town? I simply have to get to my meeting by tomorrow." They looked at each other again, and shook their heads. "Sorry, ma'am, but we got to finish up here in the field before the full moon tonite, so's we can get the crops in. But we'll be glad to give you a ride to town tomorrow morning." The blonde was still upset. "But I have nowhere to stay tonight!" "No trouble at all. You can stay up to the house with us."

The blonde decided to be resigned to her fate. Besides, these were two strong, good looking mountain boys, and she figured she might have some fun tonight. "OK, " she said, smiling. That evening, they took her up to their one room cabin, and cooked up an excellent country meal, and shared their best moonshine with her. As the sun went down, they both stood up, yawned, and strode over to a big bed in the corner. They plopped down, and almost imediately began falling asleep.

The blonde was undestandably perplexed. "Hey! What about me?" she cried. "You can just drop down here between us, " one of them said, patting the narrow space in the center of the bed. She smiled, and taking off her clothes, crawled in. Much to her dismay, the two men began snoring almost immediately. This really burned her up. "Here I am, naked, drunk, and in bed with two strong young men, and they are asleep!" she thought to herself. This would never do. It looked like she would have to take the initiative.

She reached over, and shook one of them. "Wanna have sex?" she smiled. "Well, ma'am, I can't rightly say I know much about these things." "No problem, " she replied, and reached into her purse. "Here, just put this on first, and I'll show you the rest," she said, handing him a condom. "Whats this for?" he asked. "That's so I don't get pregnant," she replied. He put the condom on, and they made love with heated passion.

When he finished, the mountain boy rolled over, and began to snore, a smile breaking across his face. The blonde lay there, catching her breath, and thinking that that had been the most incredible experience of her life. She wanted more, so she reached over and shook the other one. "Wanna have sex?" she smiled. "Well, ma'am, I can't rightly say I know much about these things." "No problem, " she replied, and reached into her purse. "Here, just put this on first, and I'll show you the rest," she said, handing him another condom. "Whats this for?" he asked. "That's so I don't get pregnant," she replied. He put the condom on, and once again, she had incredibly good sex.

When he finished, he rolled over, and began snoring almost immediately. The blonde fell gradually asleep, basking in the warmth of the best sex she had ever had. In the morning, they got up, hitched a mule to her car, and pulled it into town. The two men went back to their farm, and never saw the blonde again. A couple of days later, they were out plowing the field again. The sun was hot, and one of them stopped to wipe his brow. He leaned against his hoe for a minute. A thoughtful look was on his face.

"You know, Jake, " he said, a far away look in his eyes, " I was thinking. Jake looked up from his work, and stopped. "What was you thinking?" "About that girl we had up to the house. Do you really care if she gets pregnant?" Jake thought for a full minute. "No," he replied, "can't say I realy do." "Well, then lets take these damn things off!"

============================

One day a highway patrolman stops a car on the road for speeding. He walks over to the vehicle only to discover the most beautiful woman he has ever seen. She is young and blonde and perfect in every way and the patrolman is completely overwhelmed by her beauty. He says, "Excuse me miss, but you seemed to be going a little fast there. Can I please see your driver's license?" The girl answers, "Driver's license? What's that?" The officer, surprised, replies, "Uh- well, a driver's license is that plastic thing with your picture on it that says that you can drive. Most people keep it in their wallet."

So the girl takes out her wallet and presents the license. "Okay, now I will need to see your registration.", says the officer. "Registration? What's that?" The officer then explains, "Oh well, your registration is another card that tells who owns the car. Most people keep it in their glove compartment."

So the girl opens her glove compartment and presents the registration. With her license and registration in hand, the officer goes back to his car to call in the speeding. While on the phone, he says, " Tom, you are not going to believe this girl. She is beautiful and blonde, and I would love to have her, but she didn't even know what a driver's license was." His friend answers, "Did she also ask what a car's registration was?" "Yeah- how did you know?" "Trust me on this. When you go back to her car to give her a ticket, pull down your pants." "What?!" "Just do it. You will be glad later."

So the officer walks back to the girl's car and tells the girl, "I'm sorry, but I am going to have to give you a ticket." The officer finishes writing the ticket and proceeds to pull his pants down. Suddenly the girls cries, "Oh no -- am I going to have to take a breathalyzer test again?

===================

A blonde and a brunette were discussing their boyfriends:
Brunette: Last night I had *three* orgasms in a row!

Blonde: That's nothing; last night I had over a hundred.
Brunette: My god! I had no idea he was that good.
Blonde: ( looking shocked ) Oh, you mean with one guy. ~~~~~~~~~

=========================

~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Three blondes are attempting to change a light bulb. One of them decides to call 911:
Blonde: We need help. We're three blondes changing a light bulb.
Operator: Hmmmmm. You put in a fresh bulb?
Blonde: Yes.
Operator: The power in the house in on?
Blonde: Of course.
Operator: And the switch is on?
Blonde: Yes, yes.
Operator: And the bulb still won't light up?
Blonde: No, it's working fine.
Operator: Then what's the problem?
Blonde: We got dizzy spinning the ladder around and we all fell and hurt ourselves. ~~~~~~~~~

=========================

~~~~~~~~~~~~~ What about the blond guy whose wife gave birth to twins? He wanted to know who the other man was...
~~~~~~~~~

=========================

~~~~~~~~~~~~~ This blonde and her boyfriend were sitting in a hot tub when the blonde said to her boyfriend, "Is it true that if you pull you finger out, I'll sink?" ~~~~~~~~~

=========================

~~~~~~~~~~~~~ A blonde gets her first period, so she goes to the drugstore to get some pads. The wide selection and huge variety confuse her, so she asks the clerk for some help.
"What kind of pads should I get?" she says. "This is all new to me."
"Well," says the clerk, "that depends on the flow."
She says, "It's ceramic tile." ~~~~~~~~~

=========================

~~~~~~~~~~~~~ A blonde walked into a barber shop wearing headphones and carrying a walkman. When the barber was ready for her, he asked her to please remove the headphones.
The blonde, however, replied, "No, I'd just die without them."
With this, the barber proceeded to cut her hair around her headphones. A few weeks later, the blonde returned with the same headphones and the same walkman and even the same clothes, but her hair looked a little funny. Again, when the barber asked her to remove the headphones, she replied, "but I'd just die without them."
The barber decided he'd let her have her own way and cut her hair again around the headphones. Yet again, a couple of weeks later, the blonde walked in with the same headphones, the same walkman and the same clothes and asked for a haircut. This time, the barber insisted that she remove her headphones. The blonde complied and removed her headphones. After about a minute, she keeled over and died. This made the barber curious about the headphones, so he put them on and pressed play.
He heard... "Breathe in. Breathe out. Breathe in. Breathe out." ~~~~~~~~~

=========================

~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Why did god give a blonde 2 more ounces of brains than a Shetland pony? So she doesn't shit in the parade. ~~~~~~~~~

=========================

~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Q: How does a blonde spell "farm"? A: E-I-E-I-O ~~~~~~~~~

=========================

~~~~~~~~~~~~~ A blonde with two red ears went to his doctor. The doctor asked her what had happened to her ears and she answered, "I was ironing a shirt and the phone rang - but instead of picking up the phone I accidentally picked up the iron and stuck it to my ear." "Oh Dear!" the doctor exclaimed in disbelief. "But .. what happened to your other ear?" "The son of a bitch called back." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ A police officer pulls over a blonde for speeding and ask her for her driver's license. She says, "what is a driver's license?" The officer explains that it is a plastic card that gives you the right to drive. She say, OH, and gives him the license. The officer then asks to see her registration. Again she asks, "what is a registration?" The officer, becoming frustrated, explains to the woman what a registration is and she finally comes up with the document. After the officer writes the ticket he decides to try one more thing. He unzips his pants and flops his crank on the hood and says, "Hey lady, do you know what this is?" She hangs her head and replies, "Oh no, not another breathilizer. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ At a pharmacy, a blonde asked to use the infant scale to weigh the baby she held in her arms. The clerk explained that the device was out for repairs, but said that she would figure the infant's weight by weighing the woman and baby together on the adult scale, then weighing the mother alone and subtracting the second amount from the first.
"It won't work," said the blonde. "I'm not the mother, I'm the aunt." ~~~~~~~~~

=========================

~~~~~~~~~~~~~ A Old Man, vacationing in Las Vegas, decides to visit a brothel, as it has been a long time since he's had any.
After paying the madam, he picks out a cute little blonde girl, and they go upstairs.
After the preliminaries, he climbs on and starts humping away, and hollers out, "How am I doing, honey?"
She replies, "About three nots."
He says, "Three knots? What does that mean?"
She says, "You're not in, you're not hard, and you're not getting your money back!"

==================================

Why does a Blonde keep empty beer bottles in her fridge? They are for those who don't drink!

What did the Blonde say when she found out she was pregnant? "I wonder if it's mine?"

Why do Blondes have "TGIF" written on their shoes? Toes Go In First.

Why shouldn't Blondes have coffee breaks? It takes too long to retrain them.

What do you call an eternity? Four Blondes at a four way stop.

Why did 18 Blondes go to the R-rated movie? Because they heard that under 17 was not admitted.

Three Blondes were driving to Disneyland. After being in the car for four hours, they finally saw a sign it said "Disneyland left" so they turned around and went home.

Three Blondes are stuck on a deserted island, when one of them finds a lamp on the beach. She picks it up and gives it a little rub and a genie pops out. The genie looks at the three Blondes and says, "I normally give three wishes, but since there are three of you, I will grant each of you one wish." Well, the first one is tired of being on the island, so she wishes to go back home. POOF!! She disappears. The second one said she too is tired of the island, and wishes to go home. POOF!! She too disappears. The genie then turns to the last Blonde and asks her what her wish is. "Gee," she says, "I'm awfully lonely here by myself. I wish my friends were still here ..."

What did the Blonde say when she opened the box of Cheerios? Oh look, daddy..... doughnut seeds.

How do you confuse a Blonde? Give her a pack of M&M's and tell her to put them in alphabetical order.

Why was the Blonde upset when she got her Driver's License? Because she got an F in sex.

What goes VROOM, SCREECH, VROOM, SCREECH, VROOM, SCREECH? A Blonde going through a flashing red light.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a brick?

A: After you lay a brick it doesn't follow you around for a week whining. A cop saw a blonde down on her knees under a streetlight. "Can I help you?" he asked. Replied the blonde, "I dropped my diamond ring and I'm looking for it." Asked the cop "did you drop it right here?" "No," she responded, "I dropped it about a block away, but the light's better here."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A blonde went to her doctor complaining of a sore on her tummy. As she lays down on the examining table, her doctor says "I'm going to have to put my finger into your navel to examine the skin." "Hey!" she exclaimed, "that's not my navel!" "That okay," the doc replied, "that's not my finger!"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

So there's this blonde out for a walk. She comes to a river and sees another blonde on the opposite bank. "Yoohoo" she shouts, "how can I get to the other side?" The second blonde looks up the river then down the river then shouts back, "You are on the other side." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ A Blonde goes to the gynecologist...

He tells her "You've got acute vaginitis"

She says.. "Thank You!!! "

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Once there was a blonde who got DARNED sick and tired of those jokes mocking blondes for a low I.Q. She therefore resolved to prove that blondes could be as smart as anyone else. She spent several weeks studiously peering at a map...The next time some one attempted to tell a Blonde Joke, she riposted Well, I'm a blonde and I'm NOT stupid! I'll have you know I've memorized the Capitals of every state in the union!" "So what's the capital of Vermont?" inquired a skeptic. The blonde giggled: "That's easy! 'V' ........"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

How did the blonde break her leg raking leaves ... She fell out of the tree.
How did the blonde die drinking milk... The cow stepped on her.
Why do blondes have more fun... They are easier to amuse.
What do you call 20 blondes in a freezer... Frosted flakes.
What do you call a smart blonde... A golden retriever.
What do you see when you look into a blondes eyes... The back of her head.
Why were blondes created.. Because sheep can't bring beer from the fridge.
What did the blonde say when she looked into the box of Cheerios...Oh look, donut seeds!
What did the blonde name her pet zebra... Spot.
Why can't blondes put in light bulbs... They keep breaking them with the hammer.
Did you hear about the blonde who shot an arrow into the air... She missed.
What is it when a blonde blows into another blondes ear... Data transfer.

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Why does it take longer to build a blonde snowman as opposed to a regular one?

You have to hollow out the head.

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Blonde jokes (blond joks) n. Jokes that are short so men can understand them. A blonde gets an opportunity to fly to a nearby country. She has never been on an airplane anywhere and was very excited and tense.

As soon as she boarded the plane, a Boeing747, she started jumping in excitement, running over seat to seat and starts shouting 'BOEING! BOEING!! BOEING!!! BO....'.

She sort of forgets where she is, even the pilot in the cock-pit hears the noise. Annoyed by the goings on, the Pilot comes out and shouts 'BE SILENT!'.

There was pin-drop silence every where and everybody is looking at the blonde and the angry Pilot. She stared at the pilot in silence for a moment and all of a sudden started shouting, 'OEING ! OEING!! OEING!!! OE...'.

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Q: A brunette, a blonde and a redhead are all in third grade. Who has the biggest tits?

A: The blonde. She's 18.

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What is the similarity between a blond and a chocolate Easter bunny?

They both have hollow heads and good to eat!!!!

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Did you hear about the blonde that thought that Taco Bell was the Mexican Phone Company?

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Q: What the difference between a blonde and a toothbrush?

A: You don't let your friends borrow your toothbrush.

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A blond guy gets home early from work and hears strange noises coming from the bedroom.

He rushes upstairs to find his wife naked on the bed, sweating and panting. "What's up?" he says. "I'm having a heart attack," cries the woman. He rushes downstairs to grab the phone, but just as he's dialing, his 4-year-old son comes up and says, "Daddy! Daddy! Uncle Ted is hiding in your wardrobe and he's got no clothes on!" The guy slams the phone down and storms upstairs into the bedroom, past his screaming wife, and rips open the wardrobe door. Sure enough, there is his brother, totally naked, cowering on the wardrobe floor.

"You bastard," says the husband, "my wife's having a heart attack and you're running around with no clothes on scaring the kids!"

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1. Q: What do you call a blonde with half a brain?

A: Gifted!

2. Q: How do blonde brain cells die ?

A: Alone.

3. Q: How do you brainwash a blonde?

A: Give her a douche and shake her upside down.

4. Q: What do you call it when a blonde dies their hair brunette?

A: Artificial intelligence.

5. Q: How does a blonde part their hair?

A: (Action of scissoring legs apart)

6. Q: Why do blondes wash their hair in the sink?

A: Because, that's where you're supposed to wash vegetables!

7. Q: What was the blond psychic's greatest achievement?

A: An IN-body experience!

8. Q: When does a brunette have 1/2 of a brain?

A: After a dye job.

9. Q: Why didn't the blonde want a window seat on the plane?

A1: She'd just dyed her hair.

A2: She'd just blow dried her hair and she didn't want it blown around too much.

10. Q: Why do blondes wear their hair up?

A: To catch as much as they can that is over their heads.

11. Q: Why is it good to have a blonde passenger?

A: You can park in the handicap zone.

12. Q: Why is a blonde like a turtle?

A: They both get fucked up when they're on their back.

13. Q: What's a blonde's favorite nursery rhyme?

A: Humpme Dumpme.

14. Q: How do you make a blonde's eyes light up?

A: Shine a flashlight in their ear.

15. Q: Why should blondes not be given coffee breaks?

A: It takes too long to retrain them.

16. Q1: How can you tell if a blonde's been using the computer?

A: There's white-out on the screen.

Q2: How can you tell if another blonde's been using the computer?

A: There's writing on the white-out.

17. Q: How can you tell when a blonde is dating?

A: By the buckle print on her forehead.

18. Q: How can you tell who is a blonde's boyfriend?

A: He's the one with the belt buckle the matches the impression in her forehead!

19. Q: How can you tell which blonde is the waitress?

A: She is the one with the tampon behind her ear, wondering what she did with her pencil.

20. Q: What did the blonde customer say to the buxom waitress (reading her nametag) ?

A: "'Debbie'...that's cute. What did you name the other one ?"

21. Q: How can you tell if a blonde has been in your refrigerator?

A: By the lipstick on your cucumbers.

22. Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a computer?

A: You only have to punch information into a computer once.

23. Q: What do a blonde and your computer have in common?

A: You don't know how much either of them mean to you until they go down on you.

24. Q: What did the blonde think of the new computer?

A: She didn't like it 'cos she couldn't get channel 9....

25. Q: Why do blondes wear shoulder pads?

A: (With a rocking of the head from side to side) I dunno!

26. Q: How do you kill a blonde?

A: Put spikes in their shoulder pads.

27. Q: How do blondes pierce their ears?

A: They put tacks in their shoulder pads.

28. Q: Why don't blondes eat Jello?

A: They can't figure out how to get two cups of water into those little packages.

29. Q: What do you call a blonde with a dollar on the top of their head?

A: All you can eat, under a buck.

30. Q: Why don't blondes eat pickles?

A: Because they can't get their head in the jar.

31. Q: Why don't blondes eat bananas?

A: They can't find the zipper.

32. Q: Why do blondes wear hoop earings?

A: They have to have some place to rest their ankles.

33. Q: What does a blonde put behind her ears to make her more attractive?

A: Her ankles.

34. Q: Why do blondes wear green lipstick?

A: Because red means stop.

35. Q: Why do blondes wear red lipstick?

A: Because red means "Stop, wrong hole."

36. Q: Why don't blondes use vibrators?

A: They chip their teeth.

37. Q: Why do blondes wear underwear?

A: They make good ankle warmers.

38. Q: Why don't blondes in San Francisco wear short black mini skirts?

A: Cause their balls show!

39. Q: What do blondes do for foreplay?

A: Remove their underwear.

40. Q: What's the mating call of the blonde?

A: "I'm *sooo* drunk!"

41. Q: What is the mating call of the ugly blonde?

A: (Screaming) "I said: I'm drunk!"

42. Q: What's the mating call of the brunette?

A: "All the blondes have gone home!"

43. Q: What's a brunette's mating call ?

A: Has that blonde gone yet?

44. Q: What's the mating call of the redhead?

A: "Next!"

45. Q: Why do Blondes like the GST? (GST -- Goods and Services Tax now in effect in Canada)

A: Because they can spell it.

46. Q: What is 74 to a blonde?

A: 69 plus G.S.T.

47. Q: Why do Blondes have TGIF on their shoes?

A: Toes go in first.

48. Q: Why do Blondes have TGIF on their shirts?

A: Tits go in front.

49. Q: What do you say to a Blonde that won't give in?

A: "Have another beer."

50. Q: What do blondes do with their arseholes in the morning ?

A: Pack their lunch and send them to work.

51. Q: What's the first thing a blonde does in the morning?

A1: Introduces themself.

A2: Walks home.

52. Q: How does a blonde like her eggs in the morning?

A: Fertilized.

53. Q: How does a blonde like her eggs?

A: Unfertilized.

54. Q: What's the first thing a blonde does after sex?

A: Opens the car door.

55. Q: How do blondes turn the light on after sex ?

A: Kick open the car door.

56. Q: Why do blondes like tilt steering?

A: More head room.

57. Q: Why do blondes drive cars with sunroofs?

A: More leg room.

58. Q: What goes VROOM, SCREECH,VROOM, SCREECH,VROOM, SCREECH?

A: A blonde going through a flashing red light.

59. Q: What does a blonde say when you ask her if her blinker is on?

A: It's on. It's off. It's on. It's off. It's on. It's off.

60. Q: Why did the blonde drive into the ditch?

A: To turn the blinker off.

61. Q: What do you call a dumb blonde behind a steering wheel?

A: An Air Bag.

62. Q: Why are there lip stick stains on the steering wheel after a blond drives a car?

A: Cause she blows the horn!!!!!

63. Q: Why did the blonde try and steal a police car?

A: She saw "911" on the back and thought it was a Porsche.

64. Q: What is the worst thing about sex with a blond?

A: Bucket seats.

65. Q: What do Blondes say after sex?

A1: Thanks Guys.

A2: Are you boys all in the same band/team?

A3: Do you guys all play for the Yankees?

66. Q: Why is a blonde like a door knob?

A: 'Cause everybody gets a turn.

67. Q: Why is a blonde like railroad tracks?

A: 'Cause she's been laid all over the country.

68. Q: What important question does a blonde ask his/her mate before having sex?

A: Do you want this by the hour, or the flat rate?

69. Q: Why do blonde girls have trouble achieving orgasm?

A: *Who cares?*

70. Q: Why do blondes have orgasms ?

A: So they know when to stop having sex !

71. Q: How do you tell when a blonde reaches orgasm????

A1: She drops her nail-file!!!

A2: Who cares?

A3: She say 'Next'

A4: The next person in the line taps you on the shoulder

A5: He's had his clothes for about 2 minutes

A6: The batteries have run out.

72. Q: What does a blonde say when you blow in their ear?

A: "Thanks for the refill!"

73. Q: What is it called when a blonde blows in another blonde's ear?

A: Data transfer.

74. Q: Why do blondes have more fun?

A: Because they don't know any better.

75. Q: How many blondes does it take to change a lightbulb?

A1: "What's a lightbulb?"

A2: One. She holds the bulb and the world revolves around her.

A3: Two. One to hold the Diet Pepsi, and one to call, "Daaady!"

76. Q: What's a blonde's favourite wine?

A: "Daaaady, I want to go to Miaaami!"

77. Q: What do you call a basement full of blondes?

A: A wine cellar.

78. Q: What does a peroxide blonde and a 747 have in common?

A1: They both have a black box.

A2: Both have a cockpit.

79. Q: What is the difference between a blond and a 747?

A: Not everyone has been in a 747

80. Q: What does a dumb blonde say when she gives birth?

A: Gee, Are you sure it's mine?

81. Q: What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?

A: "Are you sure it's mine?"

82. Q: How do you get a blonde pregnant?

A: Come in her shoes and let the flies do the rest.

83. Q: How do you get a blonde to marry you?

A: Tell her she's pregnant.

84. Q: What will she ask you?

A: "Is it mine?"

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A blond had a near death experience the other day when she went horseback riding.

Everything was going fine until the horse started bouncing out of control. She tried with all her might to hang on, but was thrown off. With her foot caught in the stirrup, she fell head first to the ground. Her head continued to bounce on the ground as the horse did not stop or even slow down.

Just as she was giving up hope and losing consciousness, the manager of the Wal-Mart came out and unplugged it. Thank goodness for heroes.

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A blonde goes for a job interview in an office. The interviewer decides to start with the basics. "So, miss, can you tell us your age, please?"

The blonde counts carefully on her fingers for about 30 seconds before replying "Ehhhh .. 22!".

The interviewer tries another straightforward one to break the ice. "And can you tell us your height, please?".

The young lady stands up and produces a measuring tape from her handbag. She then traps one end under her foot and extends the tape to the top of her head. She checks the measurement and announces "Five foot two!".

This isn't looking good so the interviewer goes for the real basics. "And ehh, just to confirm for our records, your name please?"

The blonde bobs her head from side to side for about twenty seconds, mouthing something silently to herself, before replying "Mandy!".

The interviewer is completely baffled at this stage, so he asks "Just out of curiosity, miss. We can understand your counting on your fingers to work out your age, and the measuring tape for your height is obvious, but what were you doing when we asked you your name?"

"Ohh that!", replies the blonde, "That's just me running through 'Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you....' "

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Q: What do you call a blonde who's found dead in a closet?

A: The 1989 Hide and Seek Champion. An blonde came home and found her house on fire, rushed next door, telephoned the fire department and shouted, "Hurry over here. My house is on fire!" "OK," replied the fireman, "how do we get there?" "Well, don't you still have those big red trucks?"

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Why was the blonde fired from the M&M factory?

She kept throwing the W's away.

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What does a blonde say after multiple orgasms?

"Way to go, team!"

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What's the difference between a smart blonde and the abominable snowman?

There have been sightings of the snowman.

Why did the blonde climb the chain link fence?

So she could see what was on the other side.

How does a man get a blonde to marry him?

Tell her she's pregnant.

What do you call eight blondes in a row?

A wind tunnel.

Why was the blonde so excited when she finished the jigsaw puzzle in only two months?

The box said three to ten years.

Did you hear about the blonde who was sniffing nutrasweet?

She thought it was diet coke.

What do you call a blonde in the snow?

A snow flake.

What do you call a blonde who dyes her hair brown?

Artificially intelligent.

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Q. How do you know if a blond has been using a computer?

A. There is a condom on the joystick and two dollars in the diskdrive.

A blonde goes for a job interview in an office. The interviewer decides to start with the basics. "So, miss, can you tell us your age, please?"

The blonde counts carefully on her fingers for about 30 seconds before replying "Ehhhh .. 22!".

The interviewer tries another straightforward one to break the ice. "And can you tell us your height, please?".

The young lady stands up and produces a measuring tape from her handbag. She then traps one end under her foot and extends the tape to the top of her head. She checks the measurement and announces "Five foot two!".

This isn't looking good so the interviewer goes for the real basics. "And ehh, just to confirm for our records, your name please?"

The blonde bobs her head from side to side for about twenty seconds, mouthing something silently to herself, before replying "Mandy!".

The interviewer is completely baffled at this stage, so he asks "Just out of curiosity, miss. We can understand your counting on your fingers to work out your age, and the measuring tape for your height is obvious, but what were you doing when we asked you your name?"

"Ohh that!", replies the blonde, "That's just me running through 'Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you....' "

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An blonde came home and found her house on fire, rushed next door, telephoned the fire department and shouted, "Hurry over here. My house is on fire!" "OK," replied the fireman, "how do we get there?" "Well, don't you still have those big red trucks?"

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If Tarzan and Jane were blondes, what would Cheetah be?

The smartest of the three.

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hat do you call a prostitute and three blondes?

Regular price, four bucks, four bucks, four bucks.

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Why did the blonde have square boobs?

She forgot to take the Kleenex out of the box.

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A brunette, a redhead, and a blonde (all pregnant) are sitting around trying to figure out what sex their babies will be. The redhead says, "I always have sex on the bottom and I heard if you do that, you'll have a girl." The brunette said, "I always have sex on top, so I must be going to have a boy."

The blonde pondered this a minute then began sobbing. "Oh no! I'm going to have puppies!"

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A blonde was complaining to her friend about constantly being called a dumb blonde. Her friend tells her "go do something to prove them wrong! Why don't you learn all the state capitals or something?" The blonde thinks this is a great idea, and locks herself up for two weeks studying.

The next party she goes to, some guy is making dumb blonde comments to her. She gets all indignant and claims, "I'm NOT a dumb blonde. In fact, I can name ALL the state capitals!"

The guy doesn't believe her, so she dares him to test her. He says "Okay, what's the Capital of Montana?"

The blonde tosses her hair in triumph and says, "That's easy! It's M!"

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What do you see when you look deep into a blonde's eyes?

The back of her head.

What do you call an intelligent blonde?

A Golden Retriever.

What is the definition of gross ignorance?

144 blondes.

What does a blonde yell in an emergency?

"What's the number of 911?"

Why was the blonde grabbing at the air?

She was trying to collect her thoughts.

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A man goes into TGIF and takes his seat and his blonde waitress comes up to him and says "TGIF." Then the man says"SHIT" "No no TGIF "she says and then the man insists "SHIT" they go on doin this for a few more minutes. Then the waitress says "Excuse me Sir, this is TGIF!". The customer then says "Sorry Honey It's Thursday!"

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Q. How does a blonde try to kill a bird?

A. She throws it off a cliff.

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A blonde walked into a doctor's office with a hole in her hand. The doctor told her that he had to report all gunshot wounds, and this was an obvious gunshot wound, so would she please explain how it happened?

The blonde said, "Well, to be honest with you, I was trying to commit suicide, so first I stuck the gun in my mouth, but thought, wait a minute, I just had all that bridge work done, and I don't want to ruin it. So, I pointed the gun between my eyes, and then thought, wait a minute, I just got a nose job not too long ago, and I don't want to ruin it! Then I pointed the gun at my heart, and thought, wait a minute, I just had these boobs done, and I don't want to ruin them! So then I stuck the gun in my ear, and thought, wait a minute, this is going to be loud! ...

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Q: What do you call 16 blondes in a circle?

A: A dope ring.

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Two blondes decide to go duck hunting. Neither one of them has ever been duck hunting before and after several hours they still haven't bagged any. One hunter looks at the other and says "I just don't understand it-- why aren't we getting any ducks?"

Her friend says "I keep telling you, I just don't think we're throwing the dog high enough."

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Two blondes purchased a bird dog. They took the dog out to give it a try. After a long while, one blonde said to the other, "Well, we'll throw him up in the air one more time. If he doesn't fly, we'll shoot the son of a bitch!"

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What do you call a blonde with a high I.Q.?

A golden retriever.

Why did the blonde drive into the ditch?

Her blinker was on.

What do you call a bunch of blondes in a Volkswagen?

Farfromthinkin

Why don't blondes make ice cubes?

They keep forgetting the recipe.

Why do blondes work seven days a week?

So you don't have to retrain them on Mondays.

Why couldn't the blonde make Koolaid?

She couldn't fit two quarts of water into the little packet.

How do blonde braincells die?

Alone.

What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?

Is it mine?

There's a blonde woman who feared her husband was having an affair. Sure enough, she came home one day to find her husband with another woman. She grabs a gun, points it towards her own head. Her husband rushes out of bed screaming at her, "Don't! Please don't!" She says "Shut-up! You're next!"

Two blondes were walking through the woods and they came to some tracks. The first blonde said "these look like deer tracks." The other one said, "No, they look more like moose tracks." They argued and argued for a while and they were still arguing when the train hit them.

Two blondes walk into a dry cleaners on a rainy day and ask the clerk for a hanger. "I locked my keys in the car, and I need the hanger to unlock the door," the first blonde explains. "Please hurry," whines the second blonde. "We left the top down and everything is getting ruined!"

How do you get a twinkle in a Blonde's eye?

Shine a flashlight in her ear.

Did you hear about the 2 Blondes who were found frozen to death in their car at a drive-in movie theater? They went to see "Closed for the Winter".

Why don't blondes make good pharmacists?

They keep breaking the prescription bottles in the typewriters.

What did the blonde say when she looked into a box of Cheerios?

"Oh look! Donut seeds!"

Why do blondes put their hair in ponytails?

To cover up the valve stem.

Two blondes walk into a sports bar giving each other high fives and screaming "51!". Another blonde joins them and the scene repeats with high fives and very excited screams of "51 yea!" A bystander is so curious that he has to ask the question, "What are you girls so excited about and what does this '51' mean?" One of the blondes explains proudly ,"We just finished a puzzle in only 51 days and the box said '3 to 5 years!'"

Q: What do smart blondes and UFOs have in common?

A: You always hear about them but you never see them.

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She was so blonde that at the bottom of the application where it says "sign here"......... she put "Capricorn"

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Q: Why did the blond have lipstick on her steering wheel?

A. She was trying to blow her horn.

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~~~~~~~~~

A old man, vacationing in Las Vegas, decides to visit a brothel, since it has been a long time since he had sex.
After paying the madam, he picks out a cute little blonde girl, and they go upstairs.
After the preliminaries, he climbs on and starts humping away, and hollers out, "How am I doing, honey?"
She replies, "About three nots."
He says, "Three knots? What does that mean?"
She says, "You're NOT in, you're NOT hard, and you're NOT getting your money back!" ~~~~~~~~~~~~~

So this teacher is teaching her grade four class, and she's telling them that the word of the day is 'contagious.' She asks if anyone can use this word in a sentence, and several people stick up their hands. "Carl," she says. Carl says, "My dad told me to stay away from kids with mumps, 'cause they're contagious." "Very good," says the teacher. Then she picks Suzie, who says, "The atmosphere was contagious," and the teacher says, "Excellent, Suzie!? Then she notices that little Johnny has his hand up, at the back of the class. "Yes, Johnny?" she says. Johnny says, "The other day, me and my dad's a-sittin around, and we saw our blonde neighbor painting her fence. She had a tiny little model car paintbrush, and she was going in tiny little strokes up and down the fence, and my dad says to me, "Jesus, it's gonna take that cunt ages to finish that fence." ~~~~~~~~~

Q: Why didn`t the blonde go to the movies on buck night?
A: Because she couldn`t fit the deer into her car

Q: What does a blonde say when she gives birth?
A: "Gee, are you sure it`s mine?"

Q: What does a screen door and a blonde have in common?
A: The more you bang it, the loser it gets

Q: What does a blonde and a beer bottle have in common?
A: They`re both empty from the neck out

Q: How does a blonde interpret 6.9?
A: A 69 interrupted by a period.

Q: What did the blonde name her pet zebra?
A: Spot.

Q: Why do blonde`s drive VWs?
A: Because they can`t spell Porsche

Q: When is it legal to shoot a blonde in the head?
A: When you have a tire pump to reinflate it

A government study has shown that blondes do have more fun -- they just don`t remember who with.

Q: What`s the difference between having sex with a blonde and eating Jell-O?
A: Jell-O wiggles when you eat it.

Q: How do you know whether or not the blonde you slept with last night gave you a good blow-job?
A: The sheets are sucked up your ass

Q: What do you give the blonde that has everything?
A: Penicillin

Q: How can you tell when a blonde is wearing pantyhose?
A: When she farts, her knees bag.

Q: How do you know when a blonde has been making chocolate chip cookies?
A: You find M&M shells all over the kitchen floor.

Q: How do you plant dope?
A: Bury a blonde.

Q: What do you call it when a blonde gets taken over by a demon?
A: A vacant possession

Q: What do you see when you look into a blonde`s eyes?
A: The back of her head.

Q: Why did the blonde smile when she walked down the marriage aisle?
A: She realized she gave her last blow-job

Q: What`s the difference between a turtle on its back and a blonde on her`s?
A: Nothing. They`re both screwed.

Q: Why do blondes wear underwear?
A: They make good anklewarmers

Q: Why did the blonde fail at being a prostitute?
A: Because she gave blow-jobs literally.

Q: Why did the blonde tattoo her zip code on her stomach?
A: So her male would get delivered to the right box.

Q: What is the blonde`s chronic speech impediment?
A: She can`t say `No.`

Q: Why don`t blondes breast feed?
A: Because they always burn their nipples.

Q: What is foreplay for a blonde?
A: Thirty minutes of begging.

A guy walks into a bar. "Ouch!"
A blonde walks into a bar. "Ouch! Ouch! Ouch! Ouch! Ouch!"

Q: What do you get when you cross a blonde and a gorilla?
A: Who knows? There is only so much a gorilla can be forced to do.

Q: What is the difference between a blonde and a 747?
A: Not everyone has been in a 747.

A blonde came running downstairs, crying. Her mother asked what was wrong and the blonde said her boyfriend had just dropped her. Her mother (a blonde) nodded wisely and proceeded to tell her about the birds and the bees and the blonde said: "No ma. I can have sex with the best of them. But he says I can`t cook."

===========================

A policeman pulled a blonde over after he/she`d been driving the wrong way on a one-way street.
Cop: "Do you know where you were going?"
Blonde: "No, but wherever it is, it must be bad `cause all the people were leaving."

=====================

Did you hear about the blond guy whose wife gave birth to twins?
He wanted to know who the other man was.

Q: What did the blonde do when she got her first period?
A: Looked around for the S.O.B. that must have shot her.

Q: What two things in the air can get a blonde pregnant?
A: Her feet

Q: Why are blonde`s coffins Y-shaped?
A: Because as soon as they are on their backs, the
ir legs open

Q: Why is a washing machine better than a blonde? A: Because you can drop your load in a washing machine, and it won`t follow you around for a week

==============================